


In the Midst of War

by jaegersimp



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 104th Training Corps - Freeform, Angst, Bad Ending, Betrayal, Cadets, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Eldia (Shingeki no Kyojin), Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Major Character Injury, Major Original Character(s), Marley (Shingeki no Kyojin), Minor Character Death, Parent Death, Scout Regiment, Season/Series 01, Season/Series 02, Season/Series 03, Slow Burn, Spoilers, Survivor Guilt, walls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:22:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28343112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaegersimp/pseuds/jaegersimp
Summary: His eyes were like a hurricane of passion, filled with a thirst for life and dream of freedom; the soft blues waves of uncertainty and determination, with a hue of green, reminded her of the grass from Marley's gardens. She could gaze into those eyes forever, lost in the very colours that threatened to devour her, soul and body, completely.She loved everything about him — in a way only a fool would. It was dangerous; it was traitorous. It was a love that would only end in despair.|| irregular updates || season 1 - 3 of Attack on Titan ||
Relationships: Bertolt Hoover/Original Female Character(s), Eren Yeager & Original Character(s), Eren Yeager & Original Female Character(s), Eren Yeager/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 12





	1. The Start of a Fire

The dining hall’s smells were overwhelming — sweat dripped from the cadet’s exhausted faces onto their food, which they devoured ravenously and without thought for how large their malnourished bodies could hold. After a long day of final training, every person reeked of musk and a slightly rancid odour, their unwashed uniforms sticking uncomfortably to their skin. 

Laughs and snippets of pleasant conversation; rowdy laughter, and off-handed jokes wisped through the hot summer air—reaching the unwanted ears of [Cathrin Meindel](https://imgur.com/gallery/1bCM6NQ), who sat gazing out the window solemnly. 

“You really should eat more, you know,” a year-younger girl spoke, raising an eyebrow, her voice raspy and light from dehydration. “A weak body makes a weak mind — and a weak mind results in your mutilation from a Titan.”

Cathrin shrugged, barely sparing a glance towards her plate of military food — a befitting term was ‘gruel’ — that sat hardly touched atop the table's wooden surface. Her friend [Denise](https://i.imgur.com/WAHK843.jpg) stared at her with the usual wide-eyes filled with wonder. Only, that time, she looked more concerned than usual. 

“I'm not . . Hungry, really.”

“You never are. Only a weird one wouldn't be absolutely _starved_ after today,” Denise chided, spinning her fork in her petite fingers, stabbing a stale piece of bread from her own plate and swallowing it, practically whole. After graduation earlier that day, Denise took extras from the portion table to fuel her empty stomach, even if it meant she would empty her bowels to bare bottom later, along with everyone else. The sight of her stuffing the disgusting morsels into her small pockets had made Cathrin want to shudder, knowing the girl’s past of living in poverty. “I never understand why.” She paused. “Are you nervous, about tomorrow? You'll do fine, I know it.”

Another shrug.

Cathrin wasn't sure, exactly, why there was a pitiful feeling in her stomach — one that felt like her insides were murky and sluggish. She was glad, of course, that their fellow cadets from the 104th Training Corpshad finally graduated, after three years of relentless and dedicated training. And even more so, she was ecstatic to make it out of the boring Orvud District— which wasn't the most exciting hub within Sina’s walls— and begin work as a practice soldier. 

However . . . One thing was clear: the new work would require her to finally choose a fate afterwards — a fate she'd dreaded ever since the age of 12 . . five long, tiring years. Years of waiting to hear from her former friends, who attended the Corp’s southern camp; convincing herself she wasn't different from the other trainees; recovering through nightmares. Going into the Military Police meant she would never see outside the towering Walls; Garrison was never without a drunken fight on the daily. There was only one choice, and deep down, she knew it in her gut. So . . _why_ . . 

“Nah,” she answered confidently, keeping her voice light. Her eyes roved around the room, skipping from every table. The cadets were all so _different_ than she'd first imagined. They'd all grown into strong people, though still remained fearful at times. She couldn't blame them, inside the walls was a horrid place where the people were lucky to live long lives. . They had every right to collapse in terror and exhaustion before their unforgiving instructor, Willis. “I'm not nervous. But thank you for your assurances.” Denise perked up at the gratitude. “You're still. . . Deciding on the Garrison?”

“Yeah,” Denise replied, with a wistful-like smile. “Hopefully I'll get stationed in my family's district.” One of her fingers twiddled a stand of golden hair, drawing Cathrin’s eyes to it for a second before she looks away guiltily.

The younger friend had begged her to cut it a week ago, and Cathrin—having never cut anyone else’s hair with a knife previously— removed too many inches. Denise never replied if she _enjoyed_ the shorter length of not, but Cathrin couldn't stand her only friend being mad. . 

“Your distaste for my future job is clear, Cathy. And funny.” Denise grinned, teasing in her voice, knowing full well Cathrin despised her nickname. “Don't worry yourself, Garrison’s the safest place. I'll be fine.”

_I wouldn't be so sure_ , Cathrin thought, while Denise moved onto forcing bread down her throat. _Garrison is the first to die with the civilians. . . I would know first hand how cruel their fates can end up_. 

“Maybe. . .” She murmured, hiding her concerned fidgeting, “maybe we’ll end up with the same assignment.” If there was one thing to stay the same, she would make sure it was their friendship. 

The two of them had stuck together over the years, and made it through training by depending on each other—Denise more-so than Cathrin. At their beginning, Denise struck Cathrin as a girl who dwelled too often on the past—fragments of joyful memories, playful village days and plenty of sanctuary to be offered. It was much unlike the blank-faced Cathrin, who never gave any insight on her dark childhood and worked her body tirelessly to the bone, lest the facts and time be pried out of her unwilling lips by Denise. 

Perhaps that was one of the many things Cathrin loved about her—the unwilling resolve she possessed, no matter how ridiculous the cause.

* * *

“The _walls_? You want us to work atop the wall and—and. . Fix dingy old cannons while the superiors drink booze and ogle at ladies in the marketplace?" Cathrin let out an agitated sigh. "Oh come _on_ , I thought I'd be doing something better, like refilling the gas containers or something! This . . . This is ridiculous.”

“Hey, hey," Denise laughed nervously, holding Cathrin’s shoulders reassuringly—though she was actually digging her nails into the fabric of Cathrin’s jacket, silently begging her not to suddenly lash out at the greasy-haired, bug-eyed man in front of them. “It's not big deal, Cathy. . . We're only fresh recruits after all.”

“She's right,” the man said, his facial expression not changing from disinterested; his foot tapped impatiently against the rooftop tiles they stood upon. “I don't have time for teenage issues and . . . _complaints_.”

“That is _r_ —”

“We know that, sir! Please just direct us to where we should go! . . . Before I claw out my ears for having to listen to you for a moment longer than necessary.”

“. . . _Ugh_ , you two—Freich and Meindel—are with a group of cadets from the Southern Walls, but don't ask me for their names because I couldn’t care less. You'll have to travel to Trost District and meet up with them—try and save your gas by riding one of the provided horses. .” He made a shooing motion, his attention shifting towards another incoming cadet who landed gracefully with their ODM gear, but not until he pointed one finger accusingly at Cathrin. “And learn to hold in your complaints, lady, even if you're almost an adult, I'm _still_ a higher-ranking officer.”

“I'll teach _you_ to hold _your_ tongue,” Denise muttered angrily.

Cathrin _would_ have thanked Denise, had her mind not been doing loop-de-loops around itself inside her head. Breathing heavily, she curled her fingers in, pressing the top to her palm, but not hard enough to draw blood. Denise's hand stayed atop her shoulder, as she led her away from the man, so they could prep for a quick departure.

They reached the rooftop’s edge, and without warning Denise was already bending her legs to jump. 

Cathrin glanced back at the Garrison director, and scowled, ignoring the shudder slithering down her spine like a garden snake. She watched as Denise jumped, and the taunt steel cables extended from her ODM gear, attaching to the nearby buildings, allowing her to twist into an elaborate spin.

Cathrin chuckled to herself, troubled erased for the time being. _What a show-off. Per usual._

But she wasn't any better, and leapt into the air, tensing her muscles to avoid cramping upon immediate, yet calmed takeoff. The handgrips’ metal surface felt smooth and cool against her palms, a nice relief from the pressure they'd felt earlier. She aimed the grappling hooks to Denise’s building of choice, activating the gas mechanism to propel herself forward. 

In the _air_. . She felt free as a butterfly, wind blowing the wisps of hair loose from her ponytail around her flushed face, tinged cheeks red with excitement. The snug fit of her harness allowed for free movement, and she let her body relax, grinning down at Denise as she rushed through the air above the girl. 

They engaged in a playful race, using the occasional momentum to swing around buildings, duck under columns, or simply to gain an edge on the other friend. Finally, they both leaned, turning around a final building, having reached a headquarters near the closest wall, to where they would remove their grappling hooks and land, panting and a sheer line of bitter sweat coating their brows. 

“You are as amazing as ever,” Denise complimented, standing on the tip of head toes to reach up and ruffle Cathrin’s hair playfully. “Guess that's what I should expect from the top graduate of our class.”

Cathrin blushed, nudging her with a shoulder. “Oh, stop it. It's only because of practice. Besides, you seem to forget who's number _two_. . And that you almost beat my ass in training— _one_ time, at least.”

They made their way through the headquarter’s inside square, sun shining brightly overhead, but the people’s moods didn't reflect the weather. Everyone they avoided had either a scowl or glum face, no person seeming happy to be there, either. 

However, a kinder woman directed them to a stable, where gorgeous tanned and peach coloured horses happily munched on grass, a few of them being tended to by baby-faced cadets. 

“Hey, look,” Denise said, tapping the side of a horse Cathrin chose, then tugging a lock of her stay hair, “you share the same colours! Maybe you're a horse reincarnated! Uh. . Cathorse!”

“And _maybe_ you're a horrible comedian who needs lessons in actual _comedy_ ,” Cathrin retorted, rolling her eyes, and hoisting herself up to the saddle. 

“Yeah, yeah! _Sheesh_ , you need to lighten up!”

“We're being forced to ride through the cities on foot,” Cathrin grumbled. “I think I have every _right_ to be upset at the expectation of seeing these commoners. This day could not get any worse."

* * *

They rode throughout the districts, narrowly avoiding crowds of tourists and marketsmen, desperate to sell their elaborate fabrics or disgustingly sweet fruits, picked fresh from the orchards that morning. A sun’s tick later, they slowed their horses to a slow trot, bringing them up to a small shop, craning their heads upwards. Upon the roof stood various cadets of different sizes and ages, lounging about. 

When Denise and Cathrin left their horses in the care of an older man, and joined the cadets— they introduced themselves with forgettable names Cathrin was sure wouldn't matter that day. Introductions out of the way, they all readied their gear, exchanging bits of words and sentences; a small discussion of their orders.

Something in the air felt . . _Off,_ Cathrin realized _._ As if it was too quiet; as if the world had enclosed them in an invisible dome of silence, naught an animal with wings drifting overhead, all children stuck up in their horses. Cathrin could not even find a single scout formation, her squad the only one in sight, save for the vague outlines atop Trost’s wall. 

“I'm sure they've said a squad is awaiting us atop the wall,” one boy said anxiously, scratching the back of his neck. “We should get going, don't you think?”

Denise grinned, as did some others. “Just think—after _this_ , we'll be doing this everyday. Lazing about and not having to worry for Titans like the Scouts.”

Cathrin’s lips formed a slow beginning of an argument—words barely having left her mouth in a quiet slew—when a sound could be heard from the wall, loud enough to shock them all to the core. Hot, blazing and blinding lightning shot down from the crystalline blue sky, and Cathrin stared in horror—a figure from the past appearing from thin-air. 

The _Colossal_ _Titan_. A giant, 60-metre tall monstrosity, all tendons and muscles, and a skeletal-looking face that peered over the wall, his hand—the size of an entire building—slamming down, sending a cascade of rubble towards the ground upon unsuspecting citizens. Steam vapored off his body, and Cathrin could feel the burning sensation from a mile away, her nose tingling.

“Look!” Denise screamed, her arm shooting forward, finger pointed to the wall. “He's knocked some cadets down!” Cathrin looked to where she directed and sure enough, people were suspended from their ODM cables, barely managing to stay against the wall’s surface. “We have to help them!”

“No! Don't you dare be an _idiot_ with a _savior_ _complex_ ,” Cathrin lashed out, grasping Denise’s arm, pulling it down. She looked her friend in the eyes, her gaze softening to a saddened, reassuring one. A facade of guilt. “I'm sure they're still alive, and if not, we shouldn't waste our breath on _corpses_. If anything, we need to head to find other cadets, other squads—ours is too little. Should the titans make their way in, we'd be doomed to an early death. And I don't think any of us want that.”

“She's right,” another cadet murmured. "I don't. ” As they all came to an agreement, nobody spared a moment of hesitance, and jumped off one by one, swinging through the district. Cathrin gently squeezed Denise’s hand, and the girl nodded once, silently telling her she understood—they needed to remember their training, and hope Instructor Willis had taught them well.

_Bertholdt . . . Why. . . Why have you made yet another attack?_


	2. Unity Worth Dying For

It didn't take long for the sky above to then an ashy grey, and the clouds to unfold their feather-light remains, spilling downward a gentle shower of liquid droplets. The rain sprinkled lightly against Cathrin's skin, dampening the hair against her head—an unfortunate doing which almost resulted in her getting grabbed by a Titan's veiny hand. 

It had happened in an instant: the Colossal disappeared; with his cloud of steam and smoke emerged a new hole in the wall, inviting in the many monstrosities which roamed the plains. They eagerly moved throughout the district, swatting and lunging and biting any person in their sights. Cathrin's body felt the familiar calling it did when she was in danger; a calling for transformation, for freedom. . She could destroy all of the titans, really, if she wanted to — but why would she risk getting discovered, when she hadn't yet reunited with her old friends? By all means, she was a coward.

So, Cathrin and her squad of cadets maneuvered through the hordes, managing to avoid coming into contact with any, and thus saving their blades for real emergencies. Cathrin had looked back, to scowl at one of their companions, who'd fallen behind—and the sight of a 15-metre was hidden from her vision, curtesy of a lock of hair sticking to her forehead and eye. Thankfully, she'd yanked herself back, swerving under their its hand, and caught up to Denise, who led the squad.

While she recovered her wits and breath, they'd stumbled upon a new group of graduates. Their faces were not warm welcomings—one boy, with a mop of blonde hair, sat against the building's tower wall, his face radiating anguish and despair. Another male with a hickory-coloured undercut stepped forward, asking who they were and where they'd come from, deciding that while they waited, it would be better to at least know the names of their comrades.

Denise went first, explaining her origin of a village in Wall Rose, then another boy, and girl. After, it was Cathrin's turn, and she quickly replied with the same response she only told someone once, three years before: "I come from a small village. . South of Wall Maria. It's by a river. . Not many know about it."

Seemingly satisfied, they moved on. Cathrin's gaze travelled to each of them — the horse boy, Jean, and another freckled boy next to him; a girl stood at Jean's left. Further away from them, a red-haired girl with a ponytail; a thinly shaved, shorter kid, and — _no_. By the Walls, it — it _couldn't_ be—!

Reiner. . . Annie, and Bertholdt. . . Right in front of her. Of course she could have considered Bertholdt would be nearby. . But she hadn't really _thought_ about it. They hardly looked older than when she'd last seen them — save for Bertholdt, as he towered over almost every cadet, including herself. She didn't realize her legs were already moving forward, and when she approached the three, their faces changed drastically. 

"You. . You guys. .!" She mumbled with awe, grinning. "After all this time—you're finally here. . "

Four friends—separated after the fall of Wall Maria. Cathrin was swept into the crowd of fleeing citizens and before she knew it, they were gone, shouts for her lost over the chaotic screams and yells. She still remembered the days afterwards spent crying and wallowing in her sorrow over losing them. 

Eventually, after she grew accustomed to stealing for food and shelter—not wanting to work labor for the 'filthy peasants'—she got the idea in her mind to join the training regiments in hopes of seeing them and continuing their mission— and one could imagine her disappointment upon seeing they were not there, but at the Southern Camp, instead.

Enveloped in a sudden hug by Reiner ( to which Annie hesitantly joined in, but Bertholdt didn't wait a second longer ), her shoulders sagged in relief, the warmth of their bodies familiar and welcoming, although they were slightly sweaty and wet from the rain. 

"I would be overjoyed for this occasion," she said quietly, "had you not opened up the Wall. I almost got eaten by a Titan, you bastard."

"I'm — I didn't know you would be here," Bertholdt spoke quietly, his eyes watering at the edges—always the emotional one, when it came to his friends, even if they were in the middle of a horrible travesty. "And if you were. . Well, I thought you'd . . You know."

He didn't want to say the words aloud, she guessed. "Yeah, well, I'm not like you guys. . I'm a coward. And cowards' gotta stay alive, yeah?"

She had so many questions to be answered. How was their progress in advancing towards the Walled Island's centre? Had they had the opportunity to befriend anyone of higher status? What were their final scores? Was anyone ever suspicious? But her long awaited reunion with them didn't last long, however. A pale girl with unique features and shoulder-length obsidian hair landed nearby, sliding her blades into their compartments, and walked over to them.

"Annie," she said, voice cool and with a hint of urgency, "I know what's going on —" her eyes met Cathrin's "—who's this?"

"Another graduate," Cathrin said herself, with a curt nod. "I'm Cathrin."

The girl nodded. "Mikasa. Annie, where's Eren?"

"I don't know," Annie replied coolly. "His squad came in, though. Armin's over there." She pointed to the anguished blonde boy, who's face grew even more sorrowful upon seeing Mikasa. 

She thanked Annie, and ran over, urgently asking, "Armin. Where's Eren?"

"This ought to be good," she heard Reiner mumble under his breath, and she elbowed him in the ribs, watching — intrigued, as the boy looked up at Mikasa with tears in his eyes, taking a sharp intake of breath, shuddering. 

Finally, he answered, tears streaming down his face. “The 34 cadet unit. . . Thomas Wagner. . Nic Tius. . . Mylius Zeramuski. . . Mina Carolina — and Eren Jaeger! All five of them fulfilled their duty. . . and died heroic deaths in battle!”

It was like a Titan swallowed everyone's spirit's at once. Those who talked amongst themselves quieted, and even Cathrin, who had never heard those names, flinched once. She felt Reiner shift his weight uneasily beside her, and Annie clench her hands tighter around her arm. Bertholdt stayed quiet. Cathrin had to wonder — did he cause their deaths? Were they, perhaps, the cadets upon the wall when he transformed? Or were they devoured by the hunting Titans?

"That's how this damned world works," Cathrin heard Reiner mutter from the side. "Fighting a ridiculous war. . Here of all places . . I can't believe this. ." 

While the boy — Armin — cried pitifully, Mikasa leant down, placing a gentle hand upon his shoulder reassuringly. “Calm your tears, Armin . . Now is not the time to be emotional.”

She turned, and walked, past the group and past the freckled boy, whom she addressed, "Marco. If we take out the Titans around HQ, we can replenish our gas supplies and climb the wall. Correct?”

“Yeah, that’s right,” he replied. “But even with you with all of us, there’s just too many. . ."

Mikasa got a rather determined feel about her, and squared her shoulders. “We can do it.” She raised one of her blades in the air. “I’m strong. _Very_ strong. Stronger than all of you. I can kill all those Titans there, even if I'm alone. You’re either incompetent or you’re spineless cowards. You can sit here sucking on your thumb. . . Yeah, do that.” 

_Well_ , thought Cathrin bitterly. _Someone's mighty knowing of her skills in battle._

“Hey, Mikasa!” A cadet yelled out to her. “What are you saying?”

“You want to fight those Titans by yourself?” 

“You’ll get killed!” Someone else chimed in.

“If I can’t, I just die,” Mikasa replied, staring blankly. “But if I win, I live. And unless I cannot fight, I cannot win.” Then she leapt off the building, using her ODM gear to swing away.

Left with her friends, abandoned by the boisterous girl, Cathrin clenched her fists, turning her gaze upward toward Bertholdt. "We have a _lot_ to talk about — including what you three hope to gain by destroying the Wall again. I wanna know everything!" She spoke quiet enough to where Denise and any other prying ears could not detect her words, and they nodded. 

"However. . That might have to wait for later. . " Bertholdt murmured.

"Alright," Jean was beginning to address the crowd. "You heard her! Let’s keep this fight short! We need to kill them before we run out of gas—and get to HQ!"

Reiner, Bertholdt and Annie quickly agreed to follow Jean, and Cathrin would, too—Denise having grabbed her arm and anxiously leading her towards the rooftop's edge, which cadets were leaping off of, following the direction of the dark haired extraordinaire that inspired them all.

Reiner jumped first. Then Annie; Bertholdt, Denise and Cathrin. Each dashed through the air, swerving and ducking, gaining speed in different directions. Though people crossed paths and some diverged, they all had one goal: the headquarters, where they would be saved. 

Cathrin went over Bertholdt, sparing him a quick glance. . . His teeth were gritted, and features contorted as if he was begging himself not to break down and cry. It almost surprised her so much she fell; Jean's shouts being the only things distracting her.

He was yelling to the shaved boy, apparently named Connie, and the latter zoomed off in pursue with Armin for Mikasa, who was nowhere to be seen. 

From the corner of her eye, Cathrin saw Denise sputter, practically stopping mid-air, her pace dropping drastically. "Hey, Jean!" She yelled, starting her decadent downward, "We need to land! Denise is running out of gas, and I'm sure the rest of us will soon, too."

So, taking heed of her warning, their group stopped on a building. Cathrin walked over to Denise, helping her unhook the gas container, tapping the side, which produced a hollow sound. 

"Uh-oh," Denise muttered, gazing around their surroundings dejectedly. "I'm out. . I won't be able to go anywhere like this." 

"Hey, that's fantastic." Cathrin said bitterly. "Now we can add "stranded" to my growing list of problems. Don't worry, you'll be fine. I'm sure someone else might have some gas to spare." 

There was a scream from the ground, harrowing and fearful. Denise immediately scampered over, narrowly avoiding slipping off the roof's edge; Cathrin grasped her waist to stop her. Below them, a cadet attempted to secure his grappling hooks to some surface; to kickstart his gas, but the contraption on his backside sputtered and let out little steam. 

Two Titans steadily approached him, ignoring the cadets on the roof. 

“We need to help—” Denise lurched forward, only to be pulled back again by Cathrin. Her lips parted, and her mouthed formed a silent “oh.” 

“You can't save him,” Cathrin muttered, leaning close to Denise’s ear, jolting back when her lips came close to brushing against her skin. _Disgusting_. “And some people aren't _worth_ risking your own life to save.” 

"But I have to—"

"We _can't_. Remember what I told you earlier? We can't be foolish in a situation like this — especially when this is our first Titan disaster." She turned to Jean, who looked absolutely horrified as the boy below was bit in half by a Titan from the waist down. "Let's leave, before anyone else runs out."

"How will she get around?" He asked, the question intended for Denise. 

"I'll spare some of my gas," Reiner suddenly volunteered, stepping forward. Beside him, Bertholdt looked taken aback, and his eyes met Cathrin's — confused and wary. What had _happened_ to them over the years? It was all. . So _confusing_. One moment Reiner was mumbling about the ridiculousness of it all, the next, he was offering his materials. 

"Okay," Jean said, while Cathrin released Denise, leaving her to Reiner. "Let’s go! We'll make a break for HQ while they’re distracted!” He jumped down onto a lower rooftop and ran. Cathrin hesitated, only following behind when Denise gestured she was okay.

“Give it everything you’ve got!” Jean shouted roughly.

Traveling on a pathway between two sets of buildings, they came across crazed titans, and one jumped up, grabbing ahold of Jean. He sliced through the fingers with ease, leaving Cathrin awe-struck, and slightly jealous—in her true form she would be able to kill any Titan who dared stand in their way, but she was confined to ODM gear, much like Annie, who Cathrin knew was anxious to stretch her legs.

Finally, they reached HQ. Cathrin braced her arms, crashing alongside everyone else into a window, and landing inside a room. She brushed the loose glass off herself, grateful nothing had scratched her skin.

While they were all distracted with checking for bruises and bumps, Reiner cocked his head, then after a moment, yelled, "Take cover!" 

Immediately, Bertholdt lunged forward, just as Cathrin did so for Denise. She grabbed the frozen-in-shock girl, diving down to the ground, Bertholdt's arms wrapped protectively around her. 

One of the walls was broken open, revealing the grinning face of a Titan. Dust rose from the rubbles of debris, drifting over to the groups, causing many to hack and cough their lungs out, simultaneously trying to move deeper into the building. 

"A—are you okay?" Bertholdt asked Cathrin anxiously, cupping his younger friend's face in his hands as they stood, searching for any signs of damage. 

"I'm fine," she assured, gracefully pulling up Denise by the arm, steadying her. The three of them—Bertholdt satisfied for lack of injuries—somewhat hobbled; somewhat limped over to Jean, who stood by the wall in terror, watching another Titan join the first, both of their grinning faces leering in. 

_Should I do something_? She thought, and no chance to act passed, because a giant, human-like fist entered the scene, connecting with one Titan's face, and punching the two away.

”What?” All four exclaimed, Bertholdt and Cathrin's eyes meeting. Another ally, perhaps? Or simply a rogue?

They rushed forward, leaning out to gaze upon their 'saviour.'

The Titan had black hair, barely touching its shoulders; it was the same skin any other Titan; it possessed bright sea-green eyes, pointed ears. It also had a fairly muscular body, which is strange, considering. . . Cathrin had never seen such a sight — other than a Titan with a human counterpart. 

She locked eyes with Bertholdt once again, both of their minds screaming the same question: _A Titan-Shifter? In the Walls?_


	3. An Abnormally Abnormal Atrocity

She didn't want to believe. Every nerve, every fiber and atom of her being screamed at her to abandon ship and run—or better yet transform and do something, anything to rid their area of the new Titan. And yet, she stood, her body frozen in shock, watching as the creature pounded its legs into others', screaming the loudest, most hateful yell she'd ever had the unfortunate chance to hear. 

"What is it _doing_?" She murmured. 

The loud shattering of glass could be heard above the Titan's frustrated yelling, and the four cadets whipped around, bearing witness to three new figures crashing in: Mikasa, Armin, and Connie.

"What— _Mikasa_?!" Jean exclaimed, his eyes as wide, opening and closing his mouth a few times, recalling her disappearance earlier. 

Connie, having a stupidly satisfied grin on his face, congratulated Armin on being an apparent intelligence—they'd made it to the headquarters on barely any gas. Cathrin glanced at Denise's gas containers, feeling a slight twinge of guilt when he said so.

"What happened to you three?" Denise asked, the same time as Jean, who simply murmured, "Am I dreaming this?"

Connie clapped a hand on both of their shoulders, turning their — and everyone else around them— attention towards the hole in the wall. "Check it out! We found an abnormal! And it's got a bone to pick with its own kind!" The Titan, as if responding to Connie's words, lowered its head, directing its gaze onto another foe. "And the best part is, he doesn't even care about us at all!" Then, relishing in his moment of attention, he summed it up in one sentence: "That's right, this guy's our ticket out of here!"

_Abnormal_. The word rang throughout Christin's head, even as they moved onto explaining how good the Titan was. An _abnormal_. Could it be she was worried over nothing? _Were_ there no Titan shifters in the Walls? Such a thought truly became a miracle, and she reluctantly joined the arguing side of Mikasa, Connie and Armin; then they all ventured deeper into the headquarters, with the battle sounds raging outside.

The cadets who were stationed there first explained how Titans had overrun the floor containing gas for their equipment, and Armin set them up with a plan. Cathrin had to admit, watching the blonde's mind work wonders was a fascinating thing. He was smarter than she realized — quickly drawing up a layout of the place; locations for the cadets and where they would attack. 

Jean and some others found dusty wooden boxes, containing what he said was, "A little something, curtesy of the Military Police!" Before he opened them up, slowly taking out a sleek shotgun, loading it up with a bullet. The occasional person grabbed one, and Cathrin opted out, while Denise ran her hands over the surface of her chosen gun. 

The thought of firing such a weapon. . It made her shudder; she hadn't touched one remotely similar in years, let alone fired the thing. 

Hurriedly, Armin went over the details once everyone was ready. There were eight Titans in the supply room, each of the 4 metres variety. With the ammo they had for each gun, a group would be lowered via the headquarter's lift, and was tasked with getting the Titans' attention. Then, when the Titans would get close enough, they'd fire, aiming for the eyes—a weak spot to blind them. 

After, came the difficult step of their plan. Whilst the Titans were blinded, eight cadets, from hidden in the ceiling, would have to swoop down, and cut the napes of each. "It's the most difficult part," Armin finished. "And we're risking our lives for it. Eight people will have to slay eight Titans in one blow, at the same time. We're going to need the best of you. The eight soldiers with the most physically gifted and adept at using blades. . You'll be the only difference between life and death for all of us."

His words struck deep to the cadets assigned with that task — Cathrin, Bertholdt, Annie and Reiner being four of them. Cathrin glanced down at her arms, though they were covered by sleeves—surely she was exceptionally gifted in the physical aspect. Of course, she'd never _killed_ a Titan before, but how hard could it be, from right above it — a predator to the perfect prey?

And so, they began. The killing group separated from those going on the lift, descending a pair of steps that would lead to a place where they could access the ceiling without being spotted. 

Cathrin bid goodbye to Denise and hurried to catch up, walking down next to Bertholdt; she caught the snippet of a reply from Reiner, about shoving a sword up a Titan's ass if worst came to worst. 

"That's their weak spot?!" Connie asked, incredulous and incredibly gullible, along with the red-haired girl, Sasha: "That's news to me! Did I miss a day of training or something?"

Listening to them bicker around. . She hardly knew them, but Cathrin already felt content within their group, snuggled between the lies of Bertholdt and Reiner. They were imposters enjoying the small amount of deceit.

* * *

Cathrin positioned her legs forward, bent and leaning down towards her target below: a small, large-eyed Titan, who disgustingly reminded her of the earlier Garrison guard. Her hands sweaty and threatening to lose her grip on the blades, she watched, as carefully, the group on the lift raised their guns.

Her gaze was locked onto Denise, who's body trembled in fear, the gun almost falling from her small hands. Finally, agonizingly painful seconds passed, and Marco yelled, "Now!"

A flurry of sparks and gunpowder were welcomed into the air; every gun fired towards their Titan, including Denise's, who immediately collapsed with relief once the bullet was used. The Titans stumbled back, their arms clutching the only spot for sight, and the chosen eight pounced.

Cathrin ran across her ceiling board, ducking low as to avoid hitting her head on the much-too-low bar, and jumped down, her blades extended and ready. She raised them above her head, bringing both down just as she reached the nape, slicing a clean cut straight through, and landing victoriously.

She took a moment to relish in her win, breathing heavily from the rush of euphoria. "My first kill with the ODM gear. . Amazing. . So this is what the Scouts feel?"

Unfortunately, not everyone was successful. Connie and Sasha both landed, however — they missed their Titans' napes. Both turned to the two cadets, and Sasha began to apologise as Connie watched in fear. Thankfully, Mikasa and Annie stepped in, performing the task for them, skillfully and beautifully. 

Both Titans fell, and Sasha thanked Mikasa profusely, and Connie told Annie he owed her one. 

"Wow. By the skin of your teeth. You're damn lucky," Reiner said, to Annie's back as she walked away and ignored him, "you didn't end up worse off." 

_I have no idea what Reiner is talking about_ , Cathrin thought, shaking her head in exasperation. _What an idiot_. 

While the others began to rejoice, Cathrin made her way over to Denise, uncomfortably carrying her collapsed figure to a gas refueler, and began to un-clip her canisters, hooking them to the giant tanks. As she did so, Bertholdt walked over, and sat down next to her with his own canisters, doing the same. 

"You did nice," he complimented awkwardly, attempting to wipe away the sweat on his brow without her noticing — and she did, of course, and smiled.

"Thank you. It felt good, honestly. . Though. . I strangely don't feel guilty about it. Do you?"

"No," he replied simply. "We're cadets just as well as soldiers, and here, the Titans are the monsters. You know as well as I do where they really come from."

Shortly after, everyone stocked up in their equipment ran out of the building. Cathrin followed Bertholdt, who shot his hooks up on the rooftops, where Mikasa and Armin stood, the familiar cadets joining them. 

Cathrin big back a gasp. The Abnormal Titan from earlier was backed against a wall, its body being consumed by others, as it howled lowly in pain. 

"That's no normal Titan," Reiner muttered, sure his voice could only be heard by the four friends, though Jean and Denise were not too far away. 

Cathrin's eyes widened, and she began to ask a question of what, when Reiner raised his voice, talking to Mikasa. "Mikasa's right. This Titan's far too valuable to just let die. There's too much we can learn from him. I think it's perfectly clear our priority should be to ward the scavengers off him. He's no good to us picked apart."

"What?" Jean yelled in objection. "You're out of your mind! We've got a path out of this nightmare and you want to stay?"

"Think about it," Annie suggested. "Having an abnormal as an ally would be an incredible advantage, right? A canon's got nothing on a Titan who likes to rip apart his own kind."

"You. . Do you hear yourself? He's not like a new friend!"

It was only then Christin realized what her friends were getting at — they were going off of the assumption that Abnormal _was_ a Titan shifter, and, somehow, they had to convince the others to use it.

Unfortunately, the option didn't seem plausible. Armin gasped, whispering something about an Abnormal who ate a kid earlier; it was a tall, lanky 15 metre, which approached slowly towards the main Abnormal. 

Seeing the other must have triggered something, for the main Abnormal let out a mighty roar, pushing itself off the building, running forward with missing limbs and Titans hanging off of it. It bit down on the other's neck, picking it up in its jaws, and started to use the body as a weapon, swinging it around and hitting the other Titans.

"Holy. ."

". . . Shit. . ? Is that what you were saying, earlier, Annie?"

Never before, and never again, it seemed, would they have seen a greater Titan. Cathrin held her breath, watching as the Abnormal released a final cry, dropping dead on the ground. For a moment, it seemed there was no shifter after all — and her friends could relax, knowing there would be no interference. 

And then. . The unexpected happened before their very eyes. Steam released from the Titan's neck, letting off a scalding last of heat. From the emitted spot, was an opening in the Titan's neck, and if she peered hard enough, Cathrin could see — a boy emerged from the nape, tendons and muscle from the Titan still attached to his face. He leaned back, eyes closed, his brown hair moving softly in the wind — it was a peaceful sight, but all the while a horrible, shocking discovery for Cathrin. 

As Mikasa and Armin rushed down to greet the boy, and his friends began murmuring, one thing was made evidently clear. The one named _Eren Jaeger_. , was a Titan shifter, and a more importantly — she truly didn't know if he was friend . . Or foe.


	4. Sorry Souvenirs

_"You're going to change the world, you know — our entire lives, our fates. . It rests in your hands."_

_  
A gaunt woman leant down, her skeletal hands cupping around her child's tear-streaked cheeks with a touch light as freshly fallen snow. Her thin, pale lips stretched into a smile, revealing blood-stained gums and broken fractures in her yellowed teeth._

" _Mother, will their fates rest in my hands, as well?" The child asked, her voice gentle and soft, concealing the hint of bravery she had become accustomed to feigning. "Or perhaps . . my friends'? Why. . Why are we even being sent there by ourselves, with barely any time to master shifting?"_

_"You're sent because you're_ chosen _, love. And when the Marleyans thrust a destiny into your hands you wield it well and_ without _question."_

_A bell rolling in the distance offered an escape from her home; the guards bursting in to drag her lithe body away. She spared one more glance back as the door closed; the last sight of her mother was one of pure agony, as she doubled over to the ground in a pool of her own putrid, crimson blood._

_The smell imprinted itself in the girl's mind, horrifying and hauntingly beautiful — serving as a grotesque reminder, that no matter their origins, she and the Marleyans were the same. And she was going to prove it to them, no matter the cost. ._

* * *

  
"Cathrin — Are you all right?" A cautious voice reached out, tentative and light, accompanied by the small smile from Bertholdt. 

"Ah. ." Cathrin blinked, coming out of the hazy daze of her memories, and smiled weakly. "Oh! I'm fine. Lost in thought, is all."

She glanced down at her folded hands, unaware they were twisted together and covered in nervous sweat. Her eyes wandered around; she brushed her skin against her jacket. 

Bertholdt, Reiner, and Annie sat with her at an old wooden table, the planks rusted and hardly staying together — though she chose to sit on the table's surface, her feet dangling; they were too short to touch the ground. Nearby, Connie was explaining to girls named Ymir and Christa about their previous escape; their conversation sounding like fuzz in her ears, uninteresting and thick. Everyone else was too preoccupied or anxious to pay any mind to the friends.

A sigh left her, and she caught the eyes of Reiner; they both laughed awkwardly. "So," he said, crossing his arms across his chest, "today was crazy, wasn't it?"

"Without a doubt," Cathrin noted. "Who would have thought. . These people would force upon us a vow of silence. . After witnessing such a thing, any person here would believe us crazy, if we told them."

"Yeah. . You're right," Annie murmured, hardly loud enough, "They're all. . oblivious."

"Maybe that's a good thing." Bertholdt said, his voice raising in a questionable tone at the end of his sentence; he wiped the sweat off of his brow, as it formed once again. 

"Are you kidding?!" Reiner burst out, prompting a few cadets to glance over his way. He swallowed and hesitantly continued, quieter. "Are you kidding? Have you forgotten what we've done? What we've come here to do?"

Cathrin felt a twinge in her heart. "No, Reiner, nobody's saying that. _I'm_ not saying that."

"But you basically are, aren't you? And to make matters worse you cozied up to that Eldian friend of yours."

"Who — you mean _Denise_?" The girl in question was busy repairing a scrape from their window entrance into the depot, and was surrounded by cadets with similar injuries; they had begun their own bond of sorts, over traumatic experiences. "Leave her out of this, Reiner." She paused, catching her outburst before it could happen, and decided to grit her teeth down instead. "Calm down, will you? This is different from how you were acting earlier. ."

She didn't miss the blood drain from Bertholdt and Annie's faces, both of them fixing her with eyes that screamed for silence; Reiner jolted, looking pale as a ghost. "W—what. . What are you talking about. .?"

"You seemed fine supporting the Eldians earlier," she continued, suspiciously enjoying the reaction he offered. He was nothing like the Reiner she witnessed in their escape. "Hell, you even helped my friend, and killed those Titans in the supply depot with us. Just who's side are you on?" It was ironic she questioned such a thing, considering who she had spent the last few years with.

"Eldians. . I'm. . With the Warriors," he sputtered out, his eyes wide; darting, back and forth. "Who else. .?"

There was no chance for any of them to reply; the loud booming of a cannon, and plume of smoke rising up from the Wall's other side stopped all conversation. 

"A transformation?" Annie asked, the four of them jumping to their feet, Cathrin almost rolling her ankle on the hard dirt. 

"No," Bertholdt said. "There was no lightning."

"Whatever it is. ." Reiner trailed off, using his ODM gear to exit their little scene, bringing himself to the Wall's top. Cathrin hesitated, rolling her eyes, then followed, Berthodlt and Annie racing with her. Denise even rushed up, Cathrin noticed, as the girl landed beside her, and she steadied her legs. 

Once everyone made it up, and they turned their gaze downward, witnessing the scene below. While there was no normal Titan — certainly not like earlier — an upper-body skeleton emerged from the ground; tissue and muscle partly created the makings of a head. Smoke and steam — the tell-tale sign of a Titan shifter — from its nape drifted around it. 

Garrison guards were staring in shock and horror, their mouths hanging open in twisted astonishment. The Titan's face was truly terrifying; it reminded Cathrin of Bertholdt's form, and she stole a quick glance. Apparently he was thinking the same thing, guiltily meeting her eyes for a split second. 

For a while, there was only agonizingly painful waiting, no person in the ground reacting, when Denise gasped. "They're. . Waiting for him,” she exclaimed, hitting her first into her palm — with a wince, getting the spot of her injury — realizing. “Waiting for him to make the next move. . They're _scared_.”

  
"They're _scared_?" Reiner scoffed, provoking a confused look from Denise. "He's not even doing anything. They're cowards."

"Now _that_ , I can agree with," Cathrin chimed in, getting an elbow to the ribs. 

_Maybe Reiner is right. Maybe . . my_ mother _was right, crazy as she was._ _These people truly are oblivious to the blatant truth right in front of their eyes, aren't they? Even their brave cadets. . Have no idea of their sanctioned lives . ._

Eren Jaeger and his friends continued their convincing for their lives, against the Garrison soldiers' cannons. Armin Arlert gave a great speech; he spoke of humanity and plans to use Eren's abilities, for they may be of great use to the people. 

All of the following events occurred in a blur of sorts: Commander Pyxis of the Garrison — who Cathrin despised with every fiber of her being — stepped in, preventing further death or threats. He round up Eren and his friends; Cathrin and her friends descended the Wall again, choosing to forget Reiner's dilemma — momentarily, of course, for Cathrin would have to pester Bertholdt about it.

Evidently, Cathrin found herself craning her neck upwards, eyes set upon Eren Jaeger and his friends, who, along with Pyxis, stood atop the Wall to tell downwards a courageous speech of encouragement. They were going to use Eren's Titan to close up a hole in Trost — which would block off the Titans inside, allowing for everyone to dispose of them swiftly and without fear of another swarm making their way in. 

Much to her. . _Surprise_ , she didn't expect him to say, "Eren Jaeger is the product of successful top - secret Titan transformation research! He is capable of generating a Titan's body and moving it according to his will!"

She froze, tendrils of ice curling themselves around her heart. Immediately she found her hands moving toward the blades resting in her canisters, only to remember she was surrounded by frightened soldiers who wouldn't hesitate to escalate the situation.

_Impossible_ , she thought, her shoulders and bottom lip trembling with rage. _Impossible! There's no way a Titan power could have been passed down here — and a Jaeger is not a member of the Royal Family. How in the hell. . Would they . . Have chosen him for experiments in the first place?! Is it even possible to transfer their spinal fluid to another?!_

"Your duty, as soldiers. . Is to protect Eren from the other Titans until he has moved the boulder to Wall Trost!"

As the Commander continued to explain, cadets and soldiers in their crowd began to turn their backs and abandon his requests, spewing selfish, nonsensical reasons for leaving. One man even screamed he wished for his family, to which Cathrin scoffed at — it seemed they were all the same, on the inside. No wonder they chose the cowardly Garrison. 

Eventually, the speech was finished, as was the plan's explanation. It was simple, Cathrin concluded : squads were to distract Titans, and a group was assigned to escort Eren Jaeger towards the Wall. 

While everyone began to move, Cathrin shoved through the crowd, making her way over to Reiner, Annie and Bertholdt — who stood, surrounded by the other 104th southern cadets, along with a familiar boy from the northern section. "Everyone. I'm going to join the elite guard, to escort Jaeger," she hissed, a scowl forming. "I'll have to work with Garrison soldiers. . But I'm going to need to see this guy in action for myself — _truly_ in action, and not going on a rampage." Cathrin's gaze wandered down to her hand, which she had unknowingly held out, slightly above her waist. "Although—" she swallowed, tracing the faint lines on her palm with her gaze "—the Titans continue to invade. . I hope I won't have to resort to any. . Troublesome ways. You guys will be fine, right? I'll tell you everything I see, afterwards."

"Yeah. . We'll be fine," Jean butted in, saving his comrades from remorseful responses. "You. . Seem like the brazen type. . And if you want to fight, Mikasa and Armin could use your help, up there."

She nodded, suppressing the smile forming at his words. Who would have thought, he believed they shared a bond after the earlier incident? He clasped a hand on her shoulder, and gave a curt nod back. "Good luck."

"Good luck to you, as well. And all of you!" She aimed the last words with a glance to her friends, who's expressions were cloudier than the sky in a rainstorm. 

She turned away, one thought resounding through her head. _No matter who this Eren is, and where he came from. . And no matter what Reiner insists, there's only one person besides my friends who matter. Denise. . If he hurts her, I'll kill him myself, even if it means exposing myself. For her. . any sacrifice is worth not returning home._


End file.
